What's in a Name?

My mommy says she and Daddy debated over my name the whole time I was in her tummy and even after I came out. What for? They never use my name anyway! Daddy calls me Bugaboo. Mommy has a whole assortment of names for me. Apparently she likes to make up nicknames for people. Her old college buddies were The Melanator, The Hollister, The Kelsifier, and Karalicious. I also have an aunt named Francini-weanie-beanie. Mommy's names for me include Little Bugger, Cadenators, Mommy's Babies (uh, Mom, there's only one of me!), Little Stinkers, Stinkerbug, Snuggly Saurus, and other random one timers. Her favorite: Stinky McStinkers. She even sings this silly song about stinky poop when she changes my diaper. It's to the tune of "Frosty the Snowman," sometimes to "Mr. Grinch." Maybe one day I'll learn the real lyrics to the songs.

You will in a few months. Besides, you are a stinker. As noted on Facebook, yesterday I changed your diaper 5 times in one hour! Granted, 4 of them were only wet, but still. One little tinkle and you start crying!

Well, do you like sitting in something wet?

Why doesn't poop bother you? You could sleep in it all day without a second thought, unless you peed too, of course. Or if you still have more to come out. Then you wait until I just put a fresh diaper on and pbbb! you finish.

Yeah, well, do you like using a dirty toilet, Mommy? Didn't think so.

Good point. At least you don't hate having your diaper changed anymore. Now you're calm.

True. When Daddy changes my diaper he says something about Free Willy. What does a movie about a whale have to do with anything?

Haha, don't worry about it. It's the reason why we think you're so calm.

Oh. Anyway, can I finish? This was supposed to be my post.

Excuse me.

When I'm having a crying fit--red face, wide-open mouth, pumping fists, kicking legs--she calls me Babyzilla and makes me stomp around. And Daddy mimics my cry when I cry to confuse me. Talk about adding insult to injury! (Yes, I already have great command of the English language. After all, I am my mother's son. Except, Mommy talks to me in a goofy baby voice, pluralizing everything and using incorrect grammar. First she insults my feelings, then my intelligence. But it makes her happy, so I'll amuse her.)

Thanks. [Rolls eyes]

Daddy likes to hold me up in the air and call me Super Baby. I think it's really fun! I feel like I'm flying, like I'm on top of the world, which at my size is a rare feeling.

Well, you may not be on top of the world, but the world does revolve around you! At least, our world does.

I know. [Sigh of satisfaction] And Grandma's, as much as it can being so far away. Grandpa says she's always asking about "my baby" or "Juju" (short for Junior). I can't wait to see her again!

Now back to my main point. Why did you name me Caden anyway?

Daddy and I looked at baby names ever since we were married. Our favorites changed over the years. Once you were in my tummy, and especially when we found out you were a boy, we got serious about it. One day we found the name "Caden," Gaelic (Irish) for "little battle." And let me tell ya, it fits! You are stubborn, feisty, and determined like your mama when you want to be (sometimes you're laid back like your dad). One day you will be a great leader and warrior for the Lord.

Thanks, Mommy! I love you!

I love you too, Stinky McStinkers.

Nap Time

 The progression of our nap a week and half ago:

Cuddled together on the couch.

Caden rolls into me because the cushion is slanted.

Dreaming about nursing? (Can't get the photo to upload correctly!)

I move him so he can breathe.

He cuddles up to me again. :0)

I love cuddling with my baby! (By the way, I am not faking sleep as some people think in all our sleeping photos. Justin took these.)

Best Deal Ever!

I'm doing cloth diapering with Caden to save money. I don't mind it, but Caden goes through so many diapers and covers a day I have to do laundry all the time! We were going to go back to the store to buy more supplies to lessen the load. I didn't want to spend so much money again, so I thought to look at other sources first. I checked out etsy since that's where I bought pail liners and wet bags. I could only find AIOs and frilly covers for disposable diapers; I needed plastic covers. I tried craigslist and found a lot of different options. I contacted some people and got no reply. I tried one last listing, the most expensive and extensive, that was posted over a month ago: my favorite diapers and other accessories all for $100. The items were still available. Score! The only drawback was that I had to purchase everything. It was a great deal, but finances are tight. I talked to Justin and we decided to go for it. I haggled the price down to $90. Here's what I got:

• 12 Kissaluv diapers: I love these so much! They are soft, don't easily stain, and fit perfectly.
• 3 Bummis covers: I don't like them. It seems as if no matter how much I layer, Caden's pee always leaks through. I've discovered that using a Bum Genius insert with a prefold works best because the insert soaks up a lot. But I only have so many!
• 3 Bum Genius covers, inserts, and doublers: Love these! As noted, the inserts and doublers hold a lot. I use the diapers as covers instead of pocket diapers so I can reuse them since Caden goes through the Bummis covers like nothing. I used one Bum Genius for a whole day!
• Pail liner: Don't really like it, but who cares when it's just holding poopy diapers?
• Wet bag: Larger than the two I already have, so that's good. And it's cute!

And the best part is that only 4 diapers were used (no stains); the rest are all brand new! Seriously, best deal ever! The wife spent over $300 on everything. Her husband (the seller) was not happy when she decided cloth diapering was not for her. And I got it all for less than I spent on 6 plastic covers, 2 diapers, and 3 Snappis--on sale! I am so proud of my bargain shopping skills, haha.

After Birth

Once Caden was put on my chest, we established breastfeeding right away. He did the breast crawl to my right breast and opened his mouth. He didn't latch on by himself, so I helped him. Breastfeeding was a struggle. It hurt really badly, even when he latched on correctly. We had help from nurses, my doulas, and the lactation consultant. I started using a nipple shield a couple days later and we've been using it since then. Weaning him off it has been difficult. He fights me (even with it on, but not as much) until he remembers to suck and realizes milk is coming out. He is as stubborn as his mama!

Anyway, the Saturday he was born I was so tired I slept all day. Not soundly, of course. It was impossible to get more than 2 hours at a time--if even that much--due to all the interruptions from my nurses, Caden's nurses, doctors, meal deliveries, housecleaning, other staff, visitors (my doulas and my awesome home teacher and his wife), and loud neighbors. The meals were gross: I started with a liquid-only diet and was sick of jello by the end of the day. Once I could eat solids, the meals were slightly better.

Life in the hospital was b-o-r-i-n-g. All I did was nap, feed Caden (Justin changed his diapers), watch TV, and read the Ensign. Once I could walk without too much pain, we pushed Caden's bassinet around the hallway. I was so happy when Monday came and we could go home! Until the pediatrician said that Caden lost too much weight (9 percent; 10 is bad) and would need to stay another night for observation. I was sad we couldn't go home and I was worried about Caden. I was officially discharged but allowed to stay. They gave me my various meds and looked at my scar. The doctor removed the bandage, and let me just say that I am never getting anything down there waxed because that was bad enough! It happened again at my two-week checkup. Ouch. At least I had disposable stitches and glue.

Monday night was a miracle. It was as if Caden knew he had to pass a test the next day. He ate all night, even once for two hours straight with only a burp and a diaper break! They weighed him in the morning and he had gained an ounce, clearance for us to go home. He is now over seven pounds.

My mom arrived that morning and came home with us. Happy day! She stayed for almost a week and cooked meals for us. There wasn't much else for her to do since neither Justin nor I are in school or are working and we have no other children, so she got to relax, which she needed. It was great just having her there for moral support (everything's better when Mom is there) and to hold Caden so I could sleep.

As for his name, Caden wasn't officially named until that Monday. We thought we would know right upon seeing him, but he looked like both options: Caden Arthur or Michael Keichi. The middle names are after Justin's grandpa, Arthur Keichi (Arthur is also Justin's middle name). We always planned to name the baby after his great-grandpa, and good thing we did: he was born on his great-grandpa's birthday! We didn't even know until we called Justin's parents. How funny. After getting to know the baby after a few days, we decided he was definitely a Caden. It still wasn't my favorite name, but I knew it was right for him. It has since grown on me. I love my little Caden Arthur!

Caden's Birth Story

Note: This is a very honest, personal, and detailed story, more for me than anyone else. I am not looking for sympathy or validation. If you want to comment, I would prefer your thoughts and feelings on your own birth story.

Consistent contractions began the night of Wednesday, August 25. I was excited. When Justin came home from mutual, we started timing them: they averaged 35 seconds long and came in waves of 5 minutes apart. Sleeping was uncomfortable and interrupted that night. The next day, my "due date," the contractions continued, lasting 45 seconds and coming slightly closer together. They were uncomfortable and strong but not painful. However, that evening they got worse.

I went to a mother's group, called Birth Circle, with my doula (Cherise) where couples shared their birth stories and we talked about birth advocacy. Then they did a bead ceremony for all the moms due within a month, including me. Each person added a bead to a necklace and said an encouraging word, such as peace. It was a very special ritual that I am grateful I got to be a part of.

By the time we left, I had much discomfort in my lower back and I was nervous. I knew that my birthing time was near. I called Justin to come home from church basketball and pick me up at Cherise's. I didn't want to wait for him alone at my house. He promptly came, and he and Cherise tried to make me comfortable until we decided what to do. Counterpressure wasn't working. I decided I wanted to go home with Justin, shower, and labor at home as long as possible. Little did I know how short that would be.

After a long, hot shower with Justin, we tried watching a movie (Oscar, because laughing eased the discomfort a bit), but I couldn't focus. I went to the bathroom and, in a huge gush of green, my water broke (at least I didn't have to clean up that mess!). The color slightly concerned me. I started involuntarily shaking really bad. We called Cherise and she advised us to go to the hospital. She thought I could be in the transition phase because of my bad shakes. I hoped she was right so the worst would be over soon.

We packed the last-minute items for our hospital bags and headed to the hospital. I listened to my Hypnobabies CD and fell asleep. Justin drove to the hospital in record time: 28 minutes (it usually takes us at least 40 without traffic); it was 1:30 a.m. Cherise got there just before us, so we all headed to the fourth floor together. It was weird seeing the hospital so quiet, dark, and empty.

A very tattooed (guy) nurse checked me in and got the midwife, one I had only seen once and whom I felt neutral about. I soon decided I didn't like her. An exam revealed I was 100 percent effaced but only 3 cm dilated. I was immediately strapped to the monitor. My home teacher arrived soon to help Justin give me a blessing. I then spent the first 8 hours laboring in that tiny examination room in the OB triage because the labor rooms were full. Luckily it had a shower, and I spent a little while in there. I was miserable. I was so stressed and upset that things weren't going as planned. I wasn't using my breathing and relaxation techniques, moaning and crying instead over the intense back pain. I hated being on the monitor; it was so uncomfortable on my upper tummy. Finally a room became available and ready at about 9 a.m., and we were moved.

The first thing I did was labor in the tub with Cherise and Justin keeping me company and a Hypnobabies CD playing. The warm water felt wonderful, and I immediately relaxed. My whole demeanor changed. I can do this, I thought. It won't be so bad. I stayed for a little over an hour and then went back to the bed for more monitoring. I spent the next hours walking around the hall, watching TV, trying to sleep, laboring in the tub again with Justin, listening to Hypnobabies CDs, eating and drinking, and changing positions to ease the contractions, which didn't work much, but I was breathing through them, a definite improvement. Justin and Cherise took turns sleeping, eating, and comforting me. Sometimes both were asleep (not on purpose), and I worked through contractions on my own. I felt very alone.

When we were moved, a new midwife was on duty, one I had seen 3 times and liked. She was very supportive of my birth plan and informative during my pregnancy. However, her character completely changed during my labor. I wasn't sure this was the same lady who had praised my birth choices and joked around with me just the week before. I understand she was worried because my water broke so early on and there was meconium in it, but still. Hospital policy required I be done within 24 hours of my water breaking, meaning they usually start interventions before that time is up. I refused. The midwife respected my decision, but condescendingly so. She and the nurses were not satisfied with the baby's readings. I felt very confused and pressured. Cherise stuck up for me as much as she could although she was disrespected. I didn't know what to do. Justin was worried because of the meconium (his older sister suffered severely because of that), so I didn't want to hold out too long but I also really wanted to trust my body and stick to my plans. I didn't want to let all the negativity and alarm affect me, yet I could tell it was already piercing my Bubble of Peace (a Hypnobabies term for keeping out anything contrary to the birth plan) and wearing me down. I wanted to prove to everyone, and especially myself, that I could do this.

At about 7:30 p.m. I was examined again and told I was a tight 4 cm, my baby had descended to -1 already, and his head was molded. The midwife also said he was sunny side up, the reason for the painful back labor. Why didn't she tell me that at our last appointment so that I could have done something? She wanted to start me on Pitocin to speed things up because my contractions were "inadequate." This news did not make me happy at all. I told her to give me 2 hours to try nipple stimulation and then we would talk again. Justin did the technique while we watched "Reba," one of my favorite shows, to pass the time. My contractions definitely intensified, giving me hope. When the time was up, I was checked again: a "good 4."

What?! After all day Thursday and nearly 24 hours in the hospital and that's all the progress I had made? I agreed to the Pitocin but no catheter to measure the contractions. I only made it to 3 ml before the back pain was too much to bear. I went back to the tub, with just Justin, for about half an hour. We discussed our options and I caved in. I didn't want to continue with Pitocin because (1) I didn't want pain medication and didn't think I could withstand it otherwise, (2) I knew it would probably lead to other interventions, and (3) I didn't want our baby exposed to more interventions. I decided to go with a C-section, since choosing any other hospital route would probably end in that anyway. I didn't want to go home because I wasn't comfortable with that and knew Justin wasn't, and I didn't think I could endure natural labor anymore.

We called in the midwife and told her our decision. She said it was ok and would call in the necessary people. She said it might not be right away since we had to wait for them. I didn't know how much longer I could last! Luckily, everyone arrived quickly and we got things underway. If anything, I was holding everyone up because I spaced out during contractions. They prepped me for the surgery, and Justin and Cherise got in scrubs. Surprisingly, I wasn't afraid of the operation at all; I was very relieved. The local anesthesia injection didn't hurt, though it was hard not to arch my back. Once my body was numb I was in heaven. I couldn't feel a thing (except my tummy moving, as if the baby were wiggling around), and it felt great. I admit I felt a little guilty for enjoying it. It was over faster than I expected. After 28 hours of laboring in the hospital (29 since my water broke), Caden was born 5:40 a.m. Saturday, August 28.

Justin cut the cord and held Caden after his vitals were taken. (Because of the last-minute C-section decision, we forgot about our baby plan, like letting the cord pulse out.) He held the baby near my face, but it was hard to get a good look at him upside-down. All I knew was that he was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen and I wanted to hold him right away. Of course I had to wait until I was all stitched up and wheeled to a recovery room. The moment they placed him in my arms was wonderful. I couldn't believe he was finally out of my body and in my arms! I couldn't believe I had a baby, that I had made him, that I had protected him inside me for nine months and would now protect him outside of me. I couldn't (and still can't) get over how incredibly cute he is!

In the crucial time when Justin and I were debating what to do, I felt good about the decision to have a C-section. But I felt like a failure too. I had prepared physically and mentally for a natural childbirth. Part of the Hypnobabies philosophy is that thoughts become reality (similar to The Secret), so I focused only on the positive. However, I guess 10 weeks wasn't enough to reprogram my mind from 10+ years of thinking I was going to have a C-section because my mother did four times.

I know it doesn't matter how I gave birth. Sometimes I feel silly having these thoughts and emotions. Yet I feel cheated. I wanted the experience of a vaginal birth. I wanted Justin to catch the baby and immediately place him on my chest. I wanted to say that I did it. I am a little ashamed and embarrassed to share my birth story, especially with those who knew my birth plans and subtley (and maybe unknowingly) mocked them and with those who had pain-free childbirths, even with back labor. Hearing my friends' birth stories and satisfaction makes me cry. Reflecting on my own experience makes me cry. I'm trying to come to terms with it and just be grateful my baby and I are healthy. Disappointment is a hard thing to conquer.

I haven't decided yet if I want to go with a C-section or VBAC next time. A C-section would be nice because it's fast and painless and I don't mind the scar. But the thought of being cut open again--although I don't feel it--and the recovery are not appealing. A VBAC would be ideal, but I'm scared of failing again.

Often I wonder what ifs: What if I had done my pelvic rocks daily--would the baby have been in the right position, preventing the back labor? Or would I have given up even without it? What if I had decided to continue natural childbirth? Would I have succeeded or would I still have needed interventions? What if I had started practicing Hypnobabies earlier and with more dedication? What if . . . ?

Snip Snip

Caden was circumcised yesterday. He did really well. I was a mess beforehand, crying in anticipation of what was to come. I wasn't sure I would be able to stay in the room, not because of the procedure (I actually wanted to see how it was done), but because it would hurt me to see my baby wail in pain. At his last appointment, I got teary-eyed because Caden cried when the pediatrician stuck the thermometer in his bum. Once the doctor talked to us about what would happen and how Caden would react, I felt better about it and decided to stay. There were two students helping the doctor and learning how to do circumcisions. One of them gave Caden sugar water on a pacifier, which he took with no problem but would not take later for us, and the other assisted with the surgery (ok, that did make me a little nervous, but the doctor did almost all of it). I really liked the doctor: she was quick, skillful, caring, and informative. Caden did great! He only fussed a little when they numbed the area and did something else later, but he didn't cry. I was so proud of him. He's my brave little baby! Daddy, on the other hand, was a little queasy afterward. Haha.

Postpartum Life

Although I planned for a natural childbirth, I had a C-section (separate post about the birth story coming).
The first few days were hard because it was painful to move. I always slept in an upright position, I had to have help getting in and out of bed, and I walked really slow. Walking returned to normal quickly, but too much walking hurts my tummy. A few days ago I was finally able to sleep on my back or side, get in and out of bed by myself, and bend over. Usually my stomach is nothing more than sore, but sometimes I get sharp pains. The incision is healing nicely and is barely visible. My recovery overall has been a lot easier and quicker than I expected.

My tummy size is slowly going down, but I still look pregnant. In fact, the other day a cashier asked me how far along I was. Lucky for her I just had a baby and I wasn't just fat! The reality is I have less than 10 lbs. to lose to get back to my normal weight. My highest pregnancy weight was 143, though my last weigh-in was at 142 (less swelling). My belly button looks like a crater now, a lot deeper than it used to be. I went all nine months without a single stretch mark on my stomach! The only ones I have are small, light ones on the sides of my thighs. I still have that long, dark line running down my tummy, though.

The swelling in my feet and ankles is gone; however, I still cannot wear my wedding and CTR rings. The acne has disappeared too, thank goodness! I've gained cleavage and a cup and band size. Breastfeeding has taken over my life. We're still struggling, but each day there's progress. I started using a nipple shield in the hospital and am now trying to wean Caden off of it. I love watching him nurse: he either looks all around suspiciously, as if someone were going to steal his milk; has a grouchy face; or closes his eyes. He sucks really hard and loud--causing him to take frequent breaks to catch his breath--and sometimes chomps, though not nearly as much as he did his first few days of life. He burps a lot and loudly and likes to poop while eating. I love when he puts his little hands on my chest and falls asleep on me.

I definitely have baby blues. My hormones are crazy. I wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, but get cold when the air conditioning kicks in. I cry easily and I am overwhelmed with the constant nursing and interrupted sleep. Despite the frustrations, I love being a mom and I love my baby with all my heart. Who wouldn't love a cuddly cutie like Caden?

All about Baby

My name is Caden Arthur. I thought I would introduce myself to the world. I was born Saturday, August 28, at 5:40 a.m. I weighed 6 lbs. 8.8 oz. and measured 19 in. long. Most important, I am the most beautiful baby ever! At least that's what Mommy's always telling me. I have Mommy's chin, ears, and mouth, and Daddy's cheeks, bow legs, and nose. My toes, eyes, and eyebrows are hybrids. My cheeks are round and soft, and Mama is always kissing them. I have no bum, but boy, does it rumble loud and big like my daddy's! And I burp loud and big like my mama. I also sneeze violently and multiple times like she does and I get the hiccups often.

I am so alert and curious; the world is an interesting place. I hate having my diaper changed and being sponge bathed and swaddled. I like my hair being washed and being sung or whistled to. My daddy's chest is super cuddly and I fall asleep there. My mama's chest I like to chomp on, and Mama gets mad at me, but not for long because I'm too cute. I like to nurse on my left side no matter which side of Mama I'm on. She calls me her little football. Sometimes she tries to give me a pacifier, but I prefer her pinky.

I may be skinny but I am very strong. I can already hold my head up on my own for a few seconds. I like to play with my face. I smile and laugh in my sleep. No, it's not gas! I'm not always rumbly (ok, I am). I am very peaceful when I sleep. I like to sleep with my arms up, behind my head, or beside my face. Although lately I have been fussy (maybe something Mommy ate or gas?), I'm usually not that way. On my good days and nights, I sleep for three or four hours between feedings, which makes Mama happy.

I can't believe I've been on this earth for over a week already! Check out more cute photos of me on Facebook.

Last Bit before Baby

August 14 was my baby shower in AZ, hosted by my friend Cherise. We decorated with a cute Noah's ark theme because we got all the stuff on clearance at my work (Party City). It was a small party with ladies from church. We had a diaper-changing race with different types of cloth diapers, a trivia quiz (which I won thanks to some questions being used for Jeopardy at my shower in CA), gifts (a lot of monkey stuff), and a quiz Justin filled out whose answers I had to guess. Photos are on Facebook. After the shower, Justin and I went to the temple for the last time before Caden got here and did sealings.

My last day of work was the 6th. My managers gave me gifts and a little Tinkerbell cake and tried in vain to convince me to stay. I admit I was sad to leave right when Halloween season was starting, but I do not regret my decision to quit for good. I did consider staying one more week, and I am so glad I did not because I would not have lasted another day!

We have been blessed so much these last few months. Justin was laid off for the summer, and I only worked part-time, so we survived doing more research studies. Justin's parents found us a second car in WI for a great deal (we looked in AZ as well) and drove it down here. It's a white 2003 Pontiac Grand Am. The air conditioning works and the windows are tinted. So happy! The only thing I don't like about it is the small trunk since it is the car we will be using for outings with Baby and road trips.

Other blessings: getting the crib and dresser on sale at IKEA, finding a baby bathtub on freecycle, finally buying an affordable futon frame from craigslist, getting a free car seat (jungle themed, no less) from the hospital and a free bookcase from a neighbor, inheriting free carpet from a friend who moved, and finding a jungle-themed crib bumper at the thrift store for $2.50. The Lord (and my Grandma) is watching over us.

In other news, my family is finally leaving San Marcos and moving to Lake Elsinore. Justin was called to be the Scoutmaster and 2nd counselor in the YM presidency. His brother is getting married in October. Wasn't expecting that! Typical Mormon story: met in the singles ward, dated less than two months before proposing, getting married two months later. I am a little apprehensive about traveling--both on a plane and on the road--with an infant. Any advice?