Let's say I buy The Biggest Loser: The Weight Loss Program. Everyone loves it and says it's great. I try it out and see minimal, if any, results. Does that mean it doesn't work? No. The problem is the book is not meant for a petite woman like me but for overweight people. That book has a specific audience of which I am not part. So it is with any weight loss, exercise, or diet program. They may all work but not for everybody. The trick is finding the one that works for you.
The same applies to Dr. Laura's book(s). The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands is not for every marriage. It is an ideal book for more traditional men and women, not feminists and their husbands. More specifically, it's for women who have trouble respecting and being kind to their husbands and are therefore having marital problems.
The feminists argued it puts men on an animalistic and over-simplistic level, saying that all they need to stay satisfied is sex and a sandwich. I own and have read the book several times and have no idea where they got that from. First of all, the book does the complete opposite, reminding women that men have thoughts and feelings and that not everything is about us. Second, sex is discussed in one of the last chapters, after more important topics. Third, for some men, sex and other physical affection are necessary to feel loved (read Dr. Chapman's The Five Love Languages). Fourth, cooking is not about being a maid to your husband, but rather about him coming home to a ready meal in the one place he wants to be at most. Besides, who, regardless of gender, doesn't appreciate a delicious home-cooked dinner after a long day at work or school?
They also argue that the book puts all the blame of marital issues on women. The reason it seems that way is that the target audience of the book is women who are knowingly or unknowingly causing the problems. The book is not for men! I'm sure she could write a whole book on things men should do to care for their wives, but this book is not about that.
I think those ladies completely missed the point of the book--that men need to be respected and loved and that women should be less selfish and demanding. If you have already mastered this, then great, this book is not for you! Go enjoy your marriage and let others use the tools in this book, even if you don't. Do I think the book is perfect? No, there are some things I disagree with. But that is how advice works. You go through it and decide what is good and what is not good for your situation. The only valid argument the blog brought up was that it could have used a better title. I can't help but agree that it sounds more like a book for new pet owners, not wives.
As for their accusing Dr. Laura for living a hypocritical life, I think that the best givers of advice are people who have actually experienced whatever they are giving you advice for. She probably gained her wisdom not only from counseling others, but also from her own relationship and moral mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes; no one is perfect. I could probably dig up dirt about those ladies. But that is irrelevant (and mocks the Atonement if they have repented). The important thing is that they are in the past and that you learn from them. Even if she were as terrible as they say, her advice is still helpful.
What do you think? Have you read the book? Do you like or dislike it?
7 comments:
I have the book on my Kindle and haven't gotten to it yet, but I did start through it and so far I LOVE it. I absolutely adore Dr. Laura. I think she hits the nail on the head and she isn't afraid to speak her mind, which is why people kind of bristle at her words. But I think the bristling means that they know it's true and just don't want to accept it! And I do agree with you - it's for a certain audience... but I think that audience happens to be women who want to keep their men and keep them happy! :) Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading it. I just love Dr. Laura... I listen to her on XM Radio!
I like the way you put it better (about the audience)! Thanks, Sarah!
Dr Laura does speak her mind and sometimes without tact. That is why she no longer has a talk show. It is sad that a woman with such good advice had to drown in her own misdeeds. That aside, I have read and listened to Dr Laura on and off through out my life and I agree that you should take what you like and leave what you don't. I think Dr. Laura shares alot of wisdom and sometimes with people who have ear plugs in, or in this case, blinders on.
sorry, no longer on 760 KFMB. That is what I meant.
My mom LOVES Dr. Laura. I haven't read the book yet, though think it would probably be up my alley. I agreed with most of her advice, but was turned off by her contrite way of answering.
I liked your point regarding the audience she is writing to (which is very clear). The only way to make your marriage better is to take personal responsibility and change your own actions (for men or women). You will not be able to change his actions for him, therefore a book not focusing on changes women can make would be unhelpful for them.
Should I read it?
As for people making generalizations and ignorant remarks, it drives me crazy! I wonder if the bloggers even read the book? Sometimes it is nearly impossible to intake information with an open mind when a previous opinion is already formed.
My mom keeps sending me info about people who are criticizing the people on Secret Millionaire for not giving more money. That makes me so angry. Anyways, I'm on a tangent.
Great post today!
I ADORE Dr. Laura! Chris occasionally listens to her at work, so I borrowed The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands and In Praise of Stay-at-home Moms. I loved the both of them! I've also checked out her blog and I like that too. I agree with your friend Sarah when she said that many people don't like her because she speaks the truth! I wish more people would listen to her.
In Praise of Stay-at-home Moms was especially refreshing to read, because most people around here look at me as if I have two heads when I say I'm a SAHM. I'd rather rely on one salary to have my children come home to ME than working another job to drop my children off at day-care. Each family has a different situation but you know what I'm saying.
Read her book and I think Dr. Laura has many valid and helpful points. I think there are far too many "feminist" women who misunderstand that her basic piece of advice is be the type of person your husband wants to come home to and be around.
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